I wore my first splash of cologne when I was 15 years old, and I thought I was the bees-knees. I was going to an after-school event and I wanted to impress the girls. Besides being skinny, spotty, and wearing braces on my teeth, it seemed cologne was my only weapon of possibly flirting with the opposite sex. I asked my sister’s boyfriend if I could use what he had as he always smelt so ‘masculine’. He gave me a few squirts of ‘Aramis’, and I was instantly transformed into a Greek alpha male god that could woo the stars from the night sky and procreate at the drop of a hat (in my adolescent mind anyway). Well, the night came and went, and I ended up coming home with no telephone numbers and no stories of love conquest…but I smelled great!
As a grown man today, I have gone through several colognes that I’ve either kept or tossed, so here are the ones I’ve dwindled down over the years to my top six favorites:
I know, I know, Polo (classic) is very old school, but hear me out. Polo has become the ‘old man’s smell’ for the generation, but you have to admit, it smells fucking amazing and wonderful, and as much as I want to dispel the myth it’s an ‘old mans’ cologne, I can’t – It’s notorious for it. Polo = old men on golf carts and shitting themselves in nursing homes, but I love it, and wear it every Friday to enjoy its woodsy aroma of burning pinewood, tobacco, and fern – Absolutely wonderful. And the legend is true – It really does smell different for each individual who wears it while still keeping its bad-self ‘old man smell’ intact.
I was out at a sports bar many many years ago and this guy walked by me to get to the bar. I turned to my friend, Sara, and said: “Did you smell that?”.
Sara: “Did you drop ass again?”.
Me: “No. NO! That guy who just passed us – Go and ask him what cologne he’s wearing”.
Sara: “You ask him”.
Me: “That would be…creepy”.
Sara: “So you want me to be the creeper?”.
Me: “Yes, it’s what you were meant to do. I’ll buy you a shot if you ask him”.
Sara: “Deal”.
That’s how Hugo Boss and I became good friends (after paying for a shot of Jack Daniels), and my go-to fragrance to splash on at work.
There’s something about Commando cologne I can’t quite put my finger on. It’s right there on the borderline of Axe body spray (yikes!) and ‘Eternity’ (for men) by Paco Roban. It has this Jekyll & Hyde vibe of being very sophisticated, but you could also smell it on some red neck at a pig wrestling tournament. Yes, it’s that kind of cologne: The dirty bastard/wayward son/black sheep, dare I say, ‘Upscale trailer trash’? Why yes – Yes I can, as it has this wonderful freshness of citrus and musky evening sandalwood that combine to make this the cologne very intriguing that I splash on when running errands to Target, Kohls, or grocery shopping. Definitely one to wear during the day.
Every time I wear Abercrombie & Fitch Fierce, everyone comments on how good I smell. Every. Single. Time. This is the cologne I wear at weddings, date nights, and special functions (bring on the beer pong!). You literally need just one small squirt of it and you’re set for the whole night. It’s incredibly seductive, mesmerizing, and mysterious with its warm, musky, and tantalizing scent of dark blood, background jazz, and titanium that oozes sophistication, cosmopolitan cocktails, and million-dollar deals. The only drawback is if you put two squirts on instead of one, its power is ruined and everyone is going to gag when you walk into a room – It’s that powerful. Serious warning: It’s incredibly seductive – No word of a lie. One squirt is all you need.
Talk about being pleasantly smacked upside the head with this wonderful aqua-esque, fresh cologne. I received a sample bottle of Kenneth Cole Blue last year and instantly fell in love with it. Looking for adventure? Then this is the cologne to wear when deep-sea fishing, hiking, skiing, sail boating, and outdoor wine tasting – A wonderful, exciting, and adventurous scent of watermelon/apple, amber, cedar, and fresh sea air. Highly recommended for summer days.
Another classic and sophisticated scent – Love Polo Black. It has the DNA of classic Polo, but adds this underlying earthy-spice of patchouli, sage, and ever so slightly, a smidge of tangerine. Like A&F Fierce, I wear this for special occasions and dusky evenings at the jazz club.